Among the wide spectrum of kinks, chastity play is nearly unique, because it’s not about giving you the sexy stimulation you crave – instead, it’s about denying you that stimulation, which, for people who are into chastity, is a form of sexy stimulation unto itself.
Chastity isn’t as self-explanatory as kinks like spanking and sensory deprivation; it usually requires specialized equipment, next-level self-discipline, and impeccable hygiene. This is especially true if you practice long-term chastity, locking your genitals away for weeks or even months at a time. Whether you’re the person who longs to be locked up, or the person who plans on being your partner’s “keyholder” and dominant during this type of play, here are some important considerations to keep in mind.
Make sure the fit is correct
Unlike certain types of clothing, chastity cages are not “one-size-fits-all”! Your penis’s dimensions – both while flaccid and while erect – can have a big effect (so to speak) on how comfortable and safe your cage will be.
Keyholders should make it clear to their partners that practicing good hygiene is not only allowed, but required.
Take accurate measurements of your member in both states, and compare them to the measurements of any cages you’re considering. Some cages come with multiple sizing options for their rings and spacers, so you can find your perfect fit. In general, a slightly-tight fit is better than a slightly-loose fit, because it contains erections more effectively and makes peeing easier and less messy.
Images Courtesy of CB-X
Stay on top of your hygiene
Chastity cages with lots of openings are the easiest to maintain good hygiene with; you can use soap and running water in the shower or tub to scrub them clean daily.
Cages with fewer (or no) openings are a little trickier. You can use a high-pressure handheld showerhead or a spray bottle, along with soap, for everyday cleanings.
. . . . wouldn’t you rather make sure your penis stays safe at all costs? Of course you would.
However, with all types of chastity cage, you should remove them and do a full cleaning at least once a week to prevent irritation and infections. Take all the pieces of the cage apart and set aside the lock; it generally doesn’t need to be washed, and washing it might cause it to rust. Soap and water generally works fine for the cage itself; you can also use a small scrub brush or cotton buds with rubbing alcohol to get into hard-to-reach areas. Let it dry completely before putting it back on.
Keyholders should make it clear to their partners that practicing good hygiene is not only allowed, but required.
Images Courtesy of Pipedream
Track any symptoms
Chastity is generally safe, but if you notice any symptoms that worry you, you may need to try a different style of cage, adapt the way you’re using yours, and/or see a doctor.
Skin irritation or abrasions, for example, may need to be treated with rubbing alcohol to avoid infection, and may indicate a sizing issue with your cage. It’s usually best to avoid wearing the cage for a while until you’re all healed up.
Always keep an extra key at the ready
Sure, it may not exactly play into into your fantasy of being trapped inside the cage, but wouldn’t you rather make sure your penis stays safe at all costs? Of course you would.
The risks of chastity play aren’t just physical. . . . chastity can unleash difficult emotions . . . .
Always, always make sure the person wearing the cage has fast access to a key in case of emergencies, which can be anything from sudden medical issues to encountering an overzealous TSA agent at the airport. It’s best to keep it somewhere where you won’t ever forget it, such as in your wallet.
If you want to increase the sense of your chastity being inescapable, you could freeze the key in a block of ice and keep it in your freezer, or put it inside a sealed envelope. That way, accessing it will take at least one extra step, which could increase your willpower.
Take care of yourself and your partner mentally and emotionally
The risks of chastity play aren’t just physical! As with any kind of kinky play, chastity can unleash difficult emotions at times, in both/all participants. Often this results from insufficient pre-negotiation, boundary-setting, and/or verbal reassurance.
Make sure your partner knows, every day, that you care about them, value them, and appreciate what they are doing for you – whether that’s wearing a chastity cage, or holding the key to yours. Tell them with your words and also with your actions.
Especially when you’re new to chastity play, you’ll want to check in frequently with your partner to see where adjustments could be made to increase both participants’ comfort and happiness. You do not have to remain in your dominant and submissive “roles” for these conversations, and in fact some kink experts recommend that you drop those roles entirely so these conversations can be open and equitable.
Have you ever tried long-term chastity? What are your top tips?
Kate Sloan is a sex journalist and the author of two books, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do and 200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender. She also writes a sex blog called Girly Juice and cohosts the podcasts The Dildorks and Question Box. You can keep up with her work on Twitter at @Girly_Juice.